How often do you think about the past? Your memories? People who were your friends or inside your social circle? Your thoughts and life back then?
I think about it too often. Just pops in my mind again and again...
One of those memories is about me being a teenager and my biggest dream - wanting to be a writer. Publish my own books. Earn living with it. Be recognised. Feeling jealous reading about any high school girl whose book got published anywhere in the world and wishing to be in her place. Writing stories till the midnight one after another.
A few years later, I started to work. As a journalist - as you can guess.
In the beginning, I was thrilled - I was earning money with writing! It got published! Did not matter that I was writing about facts and real life, not fiction.
After the first months, I felt guilty. Whenever I was back home and tried to write a story or a poem, nothing came out. Emptiness. No ideas, no feelings, no wish to write. Tried a few times again. Zero. Damn it!
Then I started to tell everybody that I am not writing fiction anymore and developed my own theory - one can not be both a journalist and a writer. It's too much of writing. You need some rest. And once you write about the reality, the fiction world and your ideas disappear. Or maybe it was just me.
Nowadays I do not feel guilty anymore. I feel sad. Every few years I find my old stories and read them - and still find them fascinating, at least a few of them. Pity they never got published.